hi [long post sorry. i wonder why i do this when no one reads, then i realize i do it for myself lol]

yea back for a day [the schedule is rockz] so yea..

booked out yesterday, then rushed down to the furuma? furama city centre for my cousins wedding [o wow im actually 22 this year.. so all my 25+ cousins [age, not number] are getting married!]. it wasnt so bad. things i learnt.

i was late so by the time i go there, changed into the suit, and sat down, dinner was over.

my dad's mom was there [even tho it was a cousin on my mom's side] because they invited her as a formality. which to mi was wierd coz both sides are total opposites [see next point]

the functions for my moms side are noisy. and not like ' oo this music is irritating' noisy , more like 'how in the ten thousand hells of lord chaos do people talk when this is being played?' noisy.
god dammit even my music wasnt able to drown out theirs. as compared to my dad's side. where its all about gossipi.. i mean talking.

one of the waitress helpers there was pretty cute. i smiled at her but that was it. im a wuss. but she did have nice hair imo lol.


some of u are going LOL INDIAN WEDDING. but my moms side is pretty mixed. as in alot of crap. chinese malay.. bla bla. there were white people too. will wonders ever cease. my moms side is pretty.. far reaching. theres something abt a chinese lady in a sari doing a dance that makes just wonder how SG is the MOST ROCKING PLACE IN THE WORLD.

when i reached home, i actually went to sleep. sigh.

one wierd thing was that whenever i go to weddings, relatives all ask the same question. 'how are u', 'when u ord' and' what u gonna do after i ord'. so basically all i have to do is record a tape saing ' fine', 'september' and 'not sure' and i dont have to go for any of these functions. which really doesnt matter. i just say ' hey my bro's over there' , point in that direction and hopefully they all move that way. works well for most people except my nieces who seem to only want to bother me wth. ah well

but yesterday i got the most disturbing question ever. when the bride and groom were doing their rounds [that sounds military-like but watever] and came over to our table, i was like yea 'congrats vish [bride was my first cousin]' and she was like 'omg sivam? woah ur taller now'

and im like..'yea' [apparently ive done nothing eventful in my life so the onnly compliment i get is that i grew taller. which is sad coz in my platoon, im not that tall..]

the other comment was ' wow he's a man now huh'

and then i it hit mi.

in a few years time, people are gonna sk mi 'when are you going to get married'.

so lets get this out straight.

i. cannot. get. married.

why you ask?[u actually care? awww]

because of certain situations. first of all. i got something to take care off whether i like it or not. thanks to that i already feel that my future is decided one way or another so i pretty much gave working hard for anything when i knew the results wont be able to take mi on a different course but rather the same course just at a different pace.

second of all i dont think i can find a girl whod be able to handle this. so instead of burdening someone with this crap. might as well let the girli adore be happy for her own sake.

people fall in love. but someday, something will click and u realize that the fire is gone. and then u divorce. or u stay together, hoping that somehow while doing that, the answer to the problem will reveal itself.

just ask yourself when this happens, and u reach the end: 'was it worth it? did u find what you lookin for?

2nd of all, i think im in interested in someone already.. but thanks to all these years of certainty im not sure. which really doesnt matter, coz i havent seen her in months and shes always bz whenever im on off. i dont even know why i even persist. usually i ask, get a no then i leave without taking a second thought, but for some reason. even after we talked about, i actually want to..
'breathe'.. try again. yea TRY AGAIN. what the hell happened to me. something in my mind just clicked. maybe its because i actually think it would be worth it. but thats just one opinions. if i had a second agreeing opinion [hopefully from her] then at least it wuld be ok but i dont even have that. but what makes me think that this one will be so frigging worth it.

[Thief and Pally]

i have yet to find out.

also i was talkin to my dad so it goes like this

me: ok if i ever get married, and that is a big big IF, i am not doing this kind of crap. too noisy.
dad: fine by me. just use the money u saved and buy a large screen tv for me.
me: wait.. so wheres the grooms side of the family
dad: o they never approved of the wedding. so they're not here
me: so all thse people her are all relatives and friends of mom?
dad: pretty much.
me: wow wedding without both families. wierd.
dad: are u kidding? mi and ur mom got married at swensens.
me: what?

yea its true. apparently, my dads dad didnt approve of the wedding so my mom and dad got married and had a party at swensens LOL i found this hilarious and also it makes sense considering i saw little photos. but yea. cool wedding. surrounded by firends only means.. win! i told mi dad maybe i should have mine there too. tradition sake. he told mi to save the money for the tv. gotta admire the man for that.

prolly think abt it. i want the tv myself.

i got nothing much now.. will add later


[CSI Miami. template.

flashy orange background with lotsa buildings.

disco with lotsa dancers.

someone getting drunk. then having sex in a room.

suddenly. death! from 5 angle! not the process of killing, just the victim!

Horatio Kane : whats the scene.

Random dude: homicide, victime, female 20s. blunt force trauma at first glance.

Horatio: interesting, blood patterns indicate movement. she wasnt killed her.

Random: she points to the bed, what was she trying to do goin to the door.

Horatio: [puts on his sunglasses]

Horatio: Dying to get out.

YYYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAA!]

was it funny? maybe i tried too hard