cant be fucked to do my nanotech report and i had a revelation today.

 

life. is all about balance.

 

you cant be good at everything. and you cant be bad at everything.

think of it as a stat sheet. you put points in your abilities, feats, develop your persona, go through trials, succeed, fail, but learn. its just like a game. no two characters are alike. sure older people are like more experienced gamers. they teach how to effectively be what you can be [Learn to play your class perhaps.]. you can copy them as much as you like but ultimately, you go through different trials , aqquire different experiences, making you, you.

ok drifting

anyway, balance. life has a certain… ‘way’ about it. its like a stat that you are predetermined with, that you cant add points to. for the sake of this.. write up, lets call it ‘luck’. luck is a stat that everyone has. prolly from 1-10. you cannot increase your luck, nor decrease it. it affects all situations, considering that in all events, luck plays at least a minor role. sure, you train up for something, but you also wish that you get lucky, or the opponent was unlucky.

but that doesnt mean everyone has the same value for luck. some people may be blessed with a lot, and to balance that, there are people who a cursed with misfortune. you cant really determine it who has which amount, because we dont know when luck plays out, and how much influences a specific event.

balance plays a role in larger groups. if you put everyone in the world and work out their abilities, you would [theoretically] see a 50% competency in every ability. like dissolves like when people of common interests come together, pool their abilities and overcome a great feat. but to balance that, they leave the incompetent in a group, and they crash and burn.

what if… you knew you were that incompetent person?

i look around, everyone has already tapped into their potential. i know awesome people, who are great at doing what they do best. and what do i do? just bring them down. i am a counterweight, a person that when included in anything, just serves to make every task look averagely done. if i wasnt there, it would be perfect, but my great misfortune and low stats just make everything look half-baked.

what abilities to i have? nothing. i cannot say with great confidence that i am good in something, because i know somewhere, there is someone , doing the same thing as me, only way better. i. suck.

maybe i should just stay alone. this way everyone can advance faster, and i wont be able to pull them down to my level. why the fuck would anyone wanna hang around with a deadweight who only knows how to embarrass himself and is an idiot half the time [and the other half, isnt even there.]

its times liek these i wonder if there is really a higher power. so many issues need to be addressed. if i am a counterweight, whats the point? just to suck at everything, bring people down, then die? kinda stupid isnt it? but i would really like to know. if i am destined for nothing but msfortune, i would love to know in advance, that way i wont start anyhting, bcause i know i am destined for failure.

would you be able to continue on your life’s journey, if you knew the destination was nowhere?